<![CDATA[Intimacy with Ease: Better Sex Podcast]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/s/podcasthttps://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!agO8!,w_256,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F0977aed1-71a7-411b-82dc-6f4637e503ac_686x686.pngIntimacy with Ease: Better Sex Podcasthttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/s/podcastSubstackWed, 29 Jul 2026 02:10:30 GMT<![CDATA[Ep. 407: The Science of Pleasure, Trauma & Longevity]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-407-the-science-of-pleasure-traumahttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-407-the-science-of-pleasure-traumaMon, 27 Jul 2026 14:38:04 GMTSex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews functional medicine clinician and neurofeedback specialist Dr. Stephanie Rimka about emotional regulation as a biological process involving safety, the vagus nerve, brainwaves, hormones, and co-regulation through relationships. Rimka describes how chronic sympathetic activation undermines metabolic health, longevity, and mitochondrial function, framing trauma as an energy collapse that can lead to anxiety, depression, or dissociation and arguing that biological support can make therapy more effective. She discusses environmental inputs (nature, light, sound, EMF) that affect regulation and mitochondrial health, and connects these ideas to sex by defining “aliveness” as orgasm, emphasizing women’s pleasure as a potent healer that requires safety and embodiment. She contrasts solo versus partnered pleasure via bonding chemistry and shares a case using daily non-performative receiving of pleasure to support a patient’s cancer recovery and marriage, and provides resources at yoursoulbeautiful.com and drrimka.com.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:45 Meet Dr Stephanie Rimka
01:32 Her Path Into Healing
03:17 Stress Mothers and Intimacy
05:34 What Emotional Regulation Means
08:34 Safety Before Regulation
10:42 Co Regulation and Botox
12:56 Why Parasympathetic Matters
17:04 Vagus Nerve Basics
19:17 When Regulation Becomes Avoidance
20:24 Sympathetic Overdrive Costs
22:06 Mitochondria and Trauma
26:32 Light EMF and Lifestyle
28:56 Defining Trauma States
29:36 Westernization and Mental Health
30:05 Anxiety Trough Explained
31:06 Panic and Mitochondria
32:34 Freeze Response and Depression
35:11 Dissociation and Healing Path
35:46 Therapy Needs Energy First
38:19 Sex as Embodiment Tool
39:01 Aliveness and Orgasm Scale
41:30 Pleasure Chemistry and Safety
44:46 Partnered Sex and Bonding
46:25 Prescribing Pleasure for Recovery
51:42 Resources and Closing Thanks

Jessa's quizzes are available at

https://www.desirediscrepancy.com



Bio:

Dr. Stephanie Rimka is a clinician, author, and expert in nervous system regulation, trauma healing, hormonal health, and mitochondrial function. With over 25 years of experience, she has helped individuals recover from burnout, chronic stress, and emotional overwhelm through science-backed approaches. Dr. Rimka teaches how to rebuild mental resilience and emotional clarity, emphasizing the importance of the mind-body connection in achieving long-term health, vitality, and success.

www.yoursoulbeautiful.com
www.drrimka.com

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.


More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com



The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourse

The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.



Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 406: Gender, Loneliness, and Reconnection]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-405-gender-loneliness-and-reconnectionhttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-405-gender-loneliness-and-reconnectionMon, 20 Jul 2026 14:06:28 GMTSex therapist Jessa Zimmerman welcomes Anthony Silard back to discuss research-based, average gender differences in relationships, community-building, and loneliness. Silard explains how women tend to have more robust “social convoys” than men, contributing to outcomes like higher male mortality after a spouse’s death, and describes stress responses such as “tend and befriend.” He outlines severe psychological and physical impacts of loneliness, cites rising loneliness rates across countries, and links male loneliness to shifting roles, work focus, and the “four PRs” (procreate, produce, provide, protect). Silard presents three unmet needs that drive loneliness—belonging, connection, and contribution—and offers practical reconnection strategies, including talking to strangers and the “one question rule” focused on feelings, plus compassionate communication to identify unmet needs in relationships.

00:00 Show Intro
00:44 Episode Setup
01:33 Gender Research Caveats
03:07 Widowhood and Social Convoys
06:15 Mens Group vs Womens Network
08:11 Tend and Befriend Stress Response
10:50 Loneliness Harms and Health Costs
14:46 Loneliness Crisis Worldwide
17:34 Mens Roles and Four PRs
19:44 Parenthood and the Work Gap
23:09 Why Men Get Isolated
25:13 Three Needs Behind Loneliness
26:19 Belonging vs Connection Examples
29:49 Contribution and Workplace Loneliness
31:08 Sponsor Break and Relationship Pivot
32:10 Lonely In Marriage
32:37 Four PRs Mindset
34:46 Screens And Male Isolation
36:23 Midlife Identity Shifts
37:08 Talk To Strangers
38:47 Empathy Gap Hack
42:54 Belong Connect Contribute
44:24 One Question Rule
48:43 Feeling On Your Feet
57:24 Needs Based Communication
01:00:05 Books And Resources
01:02:16 Podcast Wrap Up

Work with Jessa:

https://www.intimacywithease.com



Bio:
Anthony Silard, Ph.D is a professor of leadership and the Director of the Center for Sustainable Leadership at Luiss Business School in Rome. Anthony has provided leadership development coaching and training to thousands of CEOs and senior executives of Fortune 100 companies, small businesses, and the world’s largest nonprofits, including GE, Disney, Nokia, Bank of America, IBM, CARE, Save the Children, and the American Red Cross.

Anthony has also coached political leaders, including G-20 cabinet ministers. He has taught leadership at various universities around the world, including IESE Business School, Claremont McKenna College, the Monterrey Institute of Technology, INCAE Business School, California State University San Bernardino and the International University of Catalonia and has lectured on leadership at Harvard, Stanford, Georgetown, the University of California at Berkeley, George Washington University, Cal Poly Pomona, and ESADE Business School.

Anthony has received numerous awards for his work, including Harvard’s Robert F. Kennedy Public Service Award, was named Visionary of the Year by the PBS series The Visionaries, and was featured at the Presidential Summit for America’s Future and America’s Promise. Anthony holds a PhD in leader- ship from IESE Business School, which he received with First-Class/Excellent Distinction, a Master’s in Public Policy focused on leadership from Harvard University, and a BA from the University of California at Berkeley.

He also served in the Peace Corps in Kenya for two years. Anthony is CEO of the Global Leadership Institute and President of the Center for Social Leadership. He lives with his wife and two children in Rome.

theartoflivingfree.org/freehappinessandfriendshipbooks

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.


More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com



The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourse

The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com



Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclas

s

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 405: The Truth About Erectile Dysfunction]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-405-the-truth-about-erectile-dysfunctionhttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-405-the-truth-about-erectile-dysfunctionMon, 13 Jul 2026 13:40:07 GMTSex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Johns Hopkins urologic surgeon and researcher Dr. Arthur Burnett about erectile dysfunction from a holistic biopsychosocial perspective. Burnett explains how erections work as a vascular function regulated by the nervous system, and how physical factors like hypertension, atherosclerosis, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and nerve or hormone issues can interfere. They discuss how stress and performance anxiety can biologically affect erections via adrenaline, and how oral medications like Viagra and Cialis work by reducing a “brake” in the erection pathway, though effectiveness can change as overall health changes. Burnett emphasizes thorough assessment beyond quick prescriptions, including counseling when appropriate, and reviews a treatment ladder from lifestyle changes to oral meds, vacuum devices, penile injections, and penile implants, noting implants typically preserve sensation and can reduce anxiety when expectations are realistic.

00:00 Show Introduction
00:43 Meet Dr Arthur Burnett
01:43 Why Study Erectile Dysfunction
03:30 How Erections Work
05:43 Physical Causes of ED
06:56 Nerves Orgasm and Erection
08:03 Holistic Assessment Approach
10:56 Stress Anxiety and Viagra
13:07 Mid Episode Substack Break
13:47 When Therapy Helps
15:12 Lifestyle Changes That Improve ED
17:42 When to Use Medical Treatments
18:55 When Pills Stop Working
20:08 Second Line Treatment Options
22:44 Considering Penile Implants
24:09 Implant Sensation and Expectations
26:52 Choosing the Right Urologist
28:54 Where to Find Dr Burnett
30:14 Closing and Credits

Visit Jessa's substack: https://www.intimacywithease.com/substack

Bio:

Arthur L. “Bud” Burnett II, MD, MBA, FACS, is a globally recognized Johns Hopkins urologist, researcher, Viagra Pioneer and educator whose pioneering work in men’s health and erectile function has transformed care worldwide.

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.


More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com



The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourse

The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com



Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclas

s

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 404: [Soapbox] HRT is not Primarily About Libido]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-404-soapbox-hrt-is-not-primarilyhttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-404-soapbox-hrt-is-not-primarilyThu, 09 Jul 2026 14:52:48 GMTIn a soapbox episode, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman clarifies a common misconception that hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is mainly meant to increase libido. Drawing from two recent conversations—one with a post-menopausal client experiencing painful sex and resisting HRT as a “fix,” and another with a man wondering why his wife’s HRT didn’t dramatically raise desire—she explains that libido changes can happen but are more like an added bonus. Zimmerman emphasizes HRT’s broader purposes, including relief of menopause symptoms (hot flashes, night sweats, sleep issues), easing vaginal dryness/atrophy and pain, helping prevent UTIs via vaginal estrogen, improving brain fog and mood, and supporting longer-term health such as bone and heart health, diabetes prevention, muscle preservation, and potentially reduced cancer risk.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:44 Soapbox Episode Setup
01:05 HRT Libido Misconception
01:17 Client Story Pain and Menopause
02:33 Partner Expectations About HRT
03:18 HRT Benefits Beyond Sex
03:29 Menopause Symptom Relief
03:53 UTIs and Vaginal Estrogen
04:23 Brain Fog Mood and Health
05:01 Bigger Picture and Next Steps
05:50 Outro and Listener Support
06:38 Credits and Goodbye

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.


More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com



The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourse

The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com



Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 403: Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy for Intimacy and Sex]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-403-psychedelic-assisted-therapyhttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-403-psychedelic-assisted-therapyMon, 06 Jul 2026 14:02:12 GMTSex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews therapist Hannah Buzzo about psychedelic-assisted therapy for intimacy and sex, for individuals and couples. Buzzo describes her background in addiction and trauma work (including EMDR), her training in trauma treatment with psychedelics, and how psychedelic work can make it easier to address taboo topics like sexuality and soften defenses in a safe, compassionate way. She contrasts this with limits of talk therapy, citing biological effects such as decreased default mode network activation and the nervous-system sense of safety that can enable corrective experiences for trauma and attachment wounds. Buzzo explains safety practices including extensive preparation and integration sessions, emphasizes it’s not for everyone (noting bipolar/psychosis risks and lack of support systems), and outlines common formats and medicines used in Colorado (primarily ketamine and sometimes psilocybin), including retreat-based intensives with medical screening and onsite medical support.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:47 Meet Hannah Buzzo
02:22 Why Psychedelics for Intimacy
07:44 Beyond Talk Therapy
10:33 Safety Preparation Integration
15:06 Who It’s For
16:35 Medicines and Process
19:11 Inside a Couples Session
23:37 Retreat Format Explained
26:29 Medical Oversight and Risks
28:29 Legality and Future
32:09 Contact and Wrap Up

Interested in psychedelics as it pertains to couples work? Learn more at

https://www.heartweaveforcouples.com



Guest Bio:

Hannah Buzzo is the Founder and Clinical Director of Alchemy Therapy & Wellness and the first therapist to bring psychedelic-assisted therapy to Summit County, CO. A pioneer in the field, she challenges traditional talk therapy with bottom-up, experiential approaches that target the subconscious and nervous system. Her work supports individuals and couples heal trauma, deepen intimacy, and restore connection through the integration of mind, body, and spirit.

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.


More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com



The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourse

The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com



Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 402: [Soapbox] Good Faith Communication vs Gaslighting]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-402-soapbox-good-faith-communicationhttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-402-soapbox-good-faith-communicationThu, 02 Jul 2026 15:47:03 GMTIn this soapbox episode, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explains why effective communication requires holding our “reality” loosely, since perception is filtered and interpreted by the brain, and partners often experience the same event differently. She describes a process of sharing each person’s story to feel seen, take accountability, and problem-solve—while emphasizing it only works when both partners communicate in good faith and “cop to” harmful intent when it exists. Zimmerman outlines signs of good-faith engagement: openness to feedback, curiosity about your perspective, empathy, accountability and apologies, and willingness to change behavior. She contrasts this with gaslighting and bad-faith conflict behaviors like insisting they’re right, dismissing or belittling your experience, blaming you, and refusing self-questioning or change. She also applies these ideas to microaggressions, noting the need for openness and behavior change even when bias is unintentional.

00:00 Show Intro
00:44 Soapbox Topic Setup
01:26 Why Perception Misleads
02:44 Holding Reality Loosely
03:45 Good Faith Requirement
04:53 Signs of Good Faith
06:25 Gaslighting Red Flags
08:25 Microaggressions Nuance
09:48 Wrap Up and Outro

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.


More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com



The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourse

The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com



Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Listen on Apple

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 401: Signs You May Be Headed For Divorce]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-401-signs-you-may-be-headed-forhttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-401-signs-you-may-be-headed-forMon, 29 Jun 2026 12:50:19 GMTSex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews therapist and divorce support group leader Oona Metz about how emotional and sexual disconnection often contributes to divorce, drawing on Metz’s 15 years of work with hundreds of women and her book Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women. They discuss common drivers of divorce (abuse, affairs, addiction), plus inequality in parenting/household labor, partner passivity, and later-life coming out, and highlight early warning signs like intimacy fading after children, conversations becoming logistics-only, relationships turning “too hot” with constant conflict or “too cold” with shutdown, mounting resentment, and a partner devoting all free time to a hobby. They cover why women initiate most divorces, the shame and practical barriers around leaving, and post-divorce growth through self-reflection, avoiding rebound relationships, clarifying needs, and examining family-of-origin patterns, emphasizing that staying in toxic marriages can harm children’s view of love.

00:00 Show Intro
00:48 Meet Oona Metz
02:41 Why Marriages End
05:12 Kids and Connection Drift
07:22 Hot vs Cold Marriages
09:50 Disengagement Warning Signs
11:10 Hobbies as Escape Hatch
14:24 Midroll and Ways to Work
14:52 Why Women Initiate Divorce
17:00 Stigma Kids and Culture
18:03 Healing After Divorce
20:56 Dating Yourself First
23:43 What Could Save It
26:58 For the Kids and Closing
28:47 Where to Find Oona
29:53 Podcast Outro

Interested in working with Jessa?

https://www.intimacywithease.com



Bio:

Oona Metz is a nationally recognized psychotherapist and the author of Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women (Gallery Books / Simon & Schuster), which debuted to remarkable acclaim. Her work—spanning more than 30 years—focuses on the tender, complicated realities of heartbreak, self-abandonment, and starting over. Unhitched was praised on CBS Mornings by Gayle King, featured in Maria Shriver’s newsletter, excerpted exclusively in TIME, and spotlighted on CBS News and NPR’s Morning Edition. The book quickly became a top divorce title on Amazon. Oona is known for her wise, grounded, deeply human approach that blends clinical expertise with relatable storytelling, making her a powerful voice on modern relationships, emotional recovery, boundaries, and the psychology of change.

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.


More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com



The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourse

The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com



Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 400: [Soapbox] Care and Curiosity: The Foundation for Understanding Your Partner]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-400-soapbox-care-and-curiosityhttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-400-soapbox-care-and-curiosityThu, 25 Jun 2026 12:08:18 GMTIn a soapbox episode, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman argues that a basic foundation of relationships is caring about a partner’s wellbeing and taking their unhappiness seriously, even without agreeing with their interpretation. She explains how the brain filters and assigns meaning to events, so two partners can experience the same situation differently, making “right vs. wrong” arguments unproductive. Instead, she recommends learning to “climb into each other’s movies” to understand one another’s perspective. Zimmerman highlights three essentials for productive communication: awareness that one’s own interpretation isn’t inherently true, genuine care that a partner is struggling, and curiosity about how they arrived at their meaning. She notes this must be mutual, and that it’s a significant problem when a partner shows no care, openness, or curiosity about the other’s experience.

00:00 Show Intro
00:45 Soapbox Return
01:01 Why Caring Matters
01:27 Brains Tell Stories
02:49 Climb Into Movies
03:11 Three Key Skills
03:36 Care And Curiosity
04:41 When Partners Dismiss
05:30 Wrap Up And Outro

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.


More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com



The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourse

The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com



Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 399: How Couples Can Rebuild Desire]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-399-how-couples-can-rebuild-desirehttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-399-how-couples-can-rebuild-desireMon, 22 Jun 2026 13:52:07 GMTHost and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman talks with Courtney Fay Long about common challenges couples face with desire discrepancy, losing spark, and the pressure–rejection cycle. Long shares how prioritizing sex earlier in the day, expanding sex beyond intercourse into connection, and using “all-day foreplay” (texts, appreciation, support) can help, along with resting to relax the nervous system before intimacy. They discuss sex as a form of stress relief and self-care, and emphasize reducing goal-oriented pressure by collaborating on alternatives and honoring limits. Practical tools include a playful desire-box exercise with written requests, intentional “pleasure dates” focused on themes like joy or receiving, self-soothing for the higher-desire partner, and creating a “treasure map” of turn-ons/turn-offs across stages of connection. They also recommend regular appreciation practices and more non-demand touch to rebuild closeness.

00:00 Better Sex Intro
01:03 Meet Courtney Fay Long
01:22 Why Sex Matters
02:55 Redefining Sex and Connection
03:20 Make Time and Energy
04:20 All Day Foreplay Basics
06:40 Sex as Stress Relief
08:18 Desire Jar Game
12:10 Pleasure Dates Plan
14:30 Mid Episode Subscribe
15:09 Pressure Kills Desire
17:15 Self Soothe and Connect
19:55 Treasure Map Talk
23:04 Touch Starvation and Hormones
26:41 What Helps Couples Reconnect
29:01 Where to Find Courtney
30:07 Podcast Outro


Bio:

Courtney Fae Long is a Sexuality Educator and TEDx speaker with over 25 years of experience helping individuals and couples build deeper intimacy, confidence, and emotional connection. She holds a Master’s degree in Social Work and specializes in desire discrepancy, helping people understand why “low libido” is often misunderstood.

Her TEDx talk on the surprising connection between intimacy, happiness, and success has reached over 800,000 viewers. Courtney is known for her grounded, science-informed approach that makes conversations about intimacy accessible, practical, and free of shame.

www.courtneyfaelong.com

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.


More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com



The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourse

The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com



Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 398: Intimate Conversations: Co-creating Authentic Sexual Experiences]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-398-intimate-conversations-cohttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-398-intimate-conversations-coMon, 15 Jun 2026 12:59:30 GMTSex therapist Jessa Zimmerman talks with Dr. Teresa Johnson about why and how couples can have healthier conversations about sex, including desire changes, boundaries, consent, and emotional intimacy. They discuss cultural taboos and shame that keep people silent, how comparisons to porn, media, or “how it used to be” distort expectations, and common pitfalls like avoidance, defensiveness, and feedback landing as criticism. Dr. Johnson emphasizes creating emotional safety, approaching the topic with warmth, regulation, curiosity, and a “same team” mindset, and considering each person’s contribution to the dynamic. They also cover when individual or couples sex therapy may help, and Johnson shares tools she created—a free guidebook and the Lover’s Compass Conversation card deck—to structure safer, deeper discussions and support authentic sexuality through presence, self-discovery, and consent.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
02:14 Why Sex Talks Matter
05:03 Normalizing Through Community
07:39 Common Conversation Pitfalls
09:56 Fear Vulnerability Avoidance
13:23 Starting the Conversation Right
14:27 Regulate and Set the Stage
16:40 Curiosity Same Team Mindset
18:05 When to Get Professional Help
20:08 Feeling Like the Patient
20:27 Aligning Therapy Goals
21:19 Owning Your Contribution
22:59 Empowerment Over Blame
23:47 Tools for Sex Talks
27:02 Safe Container and Consent
28:33 Authentic Sexuality Framework
31:04 Presence Over Programming
34:35 Resources and Wrap Up

Jessa’s quizzes are available at https://www.intimacywithease.com

Bio:
Dr. Teresa Johnson is a licensed psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist who has over 13 years of experience helping individuals and couples across 40+ states cultivate intimacy, pleasure, and authentic sexual expression.

Known for her warm and inclusive approach, she supports clients navigating trauma, pelvic pain, anxiety, desire discrepancies, and the lingering effects of puritanical culture. Her signature Erotic Map model integrates the erotic mind, emotional openness, erotic embodiment, and sacred sexuality, offering a holistic pathway toward deeper connection and self-acceptance.

Through therapy, online programs, and relationship-building tools, Dr. Johnson empowers people of all sexual and gender identities and relationship structures to heal from past hurt, embrace pleasure equity, and live authentically with passion.

www.drteresajohnson.com

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.


More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com



The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourse

The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com



Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 397: [Soapbox] Not Tonight and the Seven Dwarves]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-397-soapbox-not-tonight-and-thehttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-397-soapbox-not-tonight-and-theThu, 11 Jun 2026 13:32:47 GMTSex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses a common dynamic between higher- and lower-desire partners, warning that taking a partner’s “not tonight” personally leads to feeling rejected and eventually showing up as an unsexy “dwarf” (grumpy, needy, whiny, resentful, withdrawn), which creates pressure and consequences that reinforce obligation sex. She explains that this cycle is unsustainable and not fulfilling for the higher-desire partner because it undermines true desire, pleasure, and connection. Zimmerman encourages challenging the meaning assigned to a partner’s no, noting that lower desire often reflects legitimate obstacles that make sex stressful and/or a more reactive desire style where arousal develops after getting started, not from walking around already in the mood. She recommends reframing “they’re not attracted to me” to “their desire works differently.”

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:45 Not Tonight Story
01:47 Seven Dwarves Reaction
02:33 Obligation Kills Desire
04:28 Stop Taking It Personally
05:01 Real Obstacles to Sex
05:36 Reactive Desire Explained
06:30 Mantra and Next Steps
06:55 Outro and Credits

rn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.


More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourse

The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 396: Using NLP to Improve Intimacy]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-396-using-nlp-to-improve-intimacyhttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-396-using-nlp-to-improve-intimacyMon, 08 Jun 2026 12:40:12 GMTSex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Josh Davis about neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) as practical, research-supported tools drawn from psychotherapy to improve mindset, communication, and relationship dynamics around intimacy and sex. Davis explains NLP’s origins and introduces “well-formed outcomes,” including focusing on what’s in your control, stating goals positively, specifying context, making goals measurable, and addressing internal “ecological” pushback. They discuss desire discrepancy and how shifting from outcome goals to process goals can reduce resentment and improve connection. Davis shares strategies like assuming every behavior has a positive intention to reduce resistance and find win-wins, and “meeting your partner where they are” to earn the right to influence. He also describes choosing emotional states intentionally via memories and reframing changes as experiments, and shares where to find his book and dad-focused programs.

00:00 Show Intro
00:45 Meet Josh Davis
01:36 What Is NLP
02:15 Origins of NLP
04:51 Why Josh Teaches Dads
05:30 Quick NLP Takeaways
06:44 Control What You Can
08:18 Desire Discrepancy Example
11:56 Letting Go of Outcomes
13:45 Well Formed Outcomes
14:42 Positive Goals and Context
16:47 Measurable and Ecological
19:16 Partner Resistance Intentions
22:24 Assume Positive Intent
23:28 Curious Questions Not Criticism
24:05 Meet Them Where They Are
26:17 Join Their Energy
28:04 Intimacy When Things Go Wrong
28:44 Choose Your Emotional State
31:34 Love As An Experiment
35:33 Memories Versus Thoughts
37:17 Programs Book And Resources
38:57 Final Takeaway And Wrap

Jessa’s resources for desire discrepancy: https://www.desirediscrepancy.com

Bio:
Josh Davis, PhD is co-author of the USA Today bestseller, The Difference that Makes the Difference, and author of the international bestseller, Two Awesome Hours. He is a dad of three, a master practitioner and trainer in NLP (neurolinguistic programming), and the founder and director of the Science-Based Leadership Institute. He’s also a former Ivy League professor and teacher in a “last chance” public high school. He studied engineering at Brown University, and holds a PhD from Columbia University, where he studied psychology and neuroscience.

He specializes in taking lessons from science and neurolinguistic programming (NLP) and making them easy to understand and simple to apply to everyday needs. His passion now, as someone who loves being a dad, is in teaching NLP to Dads and coaching dads to use NLP and the science of change so that as many fathers, families, and kids as possible can have amazing lives.

He has also helped many corporate clients, including Goldman Sachs, Hasbro, IDEO, Lululemon, M&T Bank, and more, to apply NLP and the science of change to leadership.

His writing has appeared in HBR, Fast Company, Psychology Today, and other leading business and academic journals, and his contributions have been covered by various major news sources including The Wall Street Journal, The Financial Times, and The Times of London. He is also frequently a guest on podcasts and radio.

www.joshdavisphd.com/dads

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.


More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com



The Course –

https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourse

The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com



Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 395: [Soapbox] Why the “Devil’s Bargain” Fails: Shared Responsibility for Initiation]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-395-soapbox-why-the-devils-bargainhttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-395-soapbox-why-the-devils-bargainThu, 04 Jun 2026 11:37:45 GMTSex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explains David Schnarch’s term “the devil’s bargain,” where the higher desire partner stops initiating sex and leaves initiation entirely to the lower desire partner. She describes three common origins: a well-intentioned attempt by the higher desire partner to reduce pressure and avoid painful rejection; a request by the lower desire partner to avoid saying no and to “miss it”; and a resentful test by the higher desire partner to see how long sex will go unmentioned. Zimmerman argues the desire discrepancy remains and the burden shifts to the lower desire partner, often increasing pressure through a sense of obligation and tracking time. She emphasizes that initiation should be a shared responsibility and reframes it as initiating opportunities to be sexual, especially for people with reactive desire who initiate from intention rather than arousal.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:48 Introducing the Devils Bargain
01:28 Why Couples Make It
03:11 When It Becomes a Test
03:44 Why It Backfires
04:32 Sharing Initiation Responsibility
05:51 Closing and Next Steps

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.


More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com


The Course –

https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourse

The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com



Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 394: From Resentment to Forgiveness to Love]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-394-from-resentment-to-forgivenesshttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-394-from-resentment-to-forgivenessMon, 01 Jun 2026 12:58:31 GMTSex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Anthony Silard about his book Love and Suffering and how loneliness and disconnection affect relationships. Silard describes a “love progression model” of acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, and love, each requiring overcoming suffering, resentment, judgment, and “incarceration,” respectively. He distinguishes aloneness from loneliness and solitude, shares data on rising loneliness, and discusses how resentment can lead to paralysis, power-over dynamics, and loneliness, including among leaders. He argues forgiveness can be a judgment-based power play and suggests moving beyond it toward gratitude, while separating forgiveness (personal development) from trust (relationship development). He shares exercises for examining one’s role in conflict, a personal story of forgiving an abusive stepfather, and an example of how judgment can narrow partner choice. Sillito directs listeners to his website for free books.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:45 Meet Anthony Silard
01:34 Why He Wrote the Book
02:56 Love Progression Model
03:49 Loneliness in Relationships
05:41 Loneliness vs Solitude
07:08 Loneliness Is Going Global
09:54 Men Friendship and Despair
11:38 Forgiveness Power Play
13:59 Beyond Forgiveness to Gratitude
18:38 Midroll and Resources
19:07 Owning Your Part
19:34 Three Column Forgiveness Exercise
20:54 Resentment And Paralysis
21:57 Forgive By Giving For
23:10 Forgive And Remember
23:47 Forgiveness Versus Trust
25:31 Finding Meaning In Suffering
26:23 Compassion Without Absorbing
27:00 Turning Pain Into Purpose
28:31 Resentment In Relationships
32:02 Loneliness To Love
34:29 Incarceration And Projection
34:53 Maria’s Infidelity Lesson
40:14 Book Links And Farewell


His latest book (April 2025): Love and Suffering: Break the Emotional Chains that Prevent You from Experiencing Love
(all proceeds donated to nonprofit education programs in Africa and Latin America)

The Myth of Happiness: How Your Definition of Happiness Creates Your Unhappiness and The Myth of Friendship: How Your Misunderstandings about Friendship Keep You Lonely . They can enter their email to download them here: www.theartoflivingfree.org/freehappinessandfriendshipbooks

Want to work with Jessa?

https://www.intimacywithease.com



Bio:

Anthony Silard, Ph.D is a professor of leadership and the Director of the Center for Sustainable Leadership at Luiss Business School in Rome. Anthony has provided leadership development coaching and training to thousands of CEOs and senior executives of Fortune 100 companies, small businesses, and the world’s largest nonprofits, including GE, Disney, Nokia, Bank of America, IBM, CARE, Save the Children, and the American Red Cross.

Anthony has also coached political leaders, including G-20 cabinet ministers. He has taught leadership at various universities around the world, including IESE Business School, Claremont McKenna College, the Monterrey Institute of Technology, INCAE Business School, California State University San Bernardino and the International University of Catalonia and has lectured on leadership at Harvard, Stanford, Georgetown, the University of California at Berkeley, George Washington University, Cal Poly Pomona, and ESADE Business School.

Anthony has received numerous awards for his work, including Harvard’s Robert F. Kennedy Public Service Award, was named Visionary of the Year by the PBS series The Visionaries, and was featured at the Presidential Summit for America’s Future and America’s Promise. Anthony holds a PhD in leader- ship from IESE Business School, which he received with First-Class/Excellent Distinction, a Master’s in Public Policy focused on leadership from Harvard University, and a BA from the University of California at Berkeley.

He also served in the Peace Corps in Kenya for two years. Anthony is CEO of the Global Leadership Institute and President of the Center for Social Leadership. He lives with his wife and two children in Rome.

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 393: Ecstasy/MDMA for helping couples heal and enhance their relationship]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-393-ecstasymdma-for-helping-coupleshttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-393-ecstasymdma-for-helping-couplesMon, 25 May 2026 10:55:48 GMTSex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Jonathan Robinson about using MDMA (ecstasy) with couples to accelerate therapy, emphasizing a legal disclaimer and harm reduction. Robinson describes renewed interest in psychedelic therapies, claims MDMA can make deep couples work happen in hours, and contrasts it with drugs like psilocybin or ketamine because it supports therapeutic interaction without hallucinations. He explains proposed mechanisms (reduced amygdala fear response and increased serotonin/bonding), highlights the importance of set and setting, purity testing, minimizing distractions, and the value of a trained guide plus integration sessions for lasting change. He discusses common reasons couples seek MDMA (trauma, anxiety, depression, addiction, relationship issues, spiritual growth), how to choose a guide, contraindications (recent heart attack, antidepressants; caution with psychosis/bipolar), and shares a personal story of MDMA revealing grief underlying marital conflict.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:44 Meet Jonathan Robinson
01:41 Legal Disclaimer and Safety
02:59 Why MDMA Is Back
05:44 MDMA vs Other Psychedelics
08:26 How MDMA Works in Brain
09:23 Who Seeks MDMA Help
10:44 Set Setting and Zoom Sessions
12:32 Couples Intensives Announcement
13:08 Preparing Couples for Journey
14:42 Why a Guide Matters
17:07 Choosing a Facilitator
18:39 Books and Getting Informed
19:40 Contraindications and Risks
21:30 Marriage Breakthrough Story
24:24 Sex Talks Made Easy
25:29 Resources and Closing
26:32 Podcast Outro and Thanks

Want to know more about Jessa's couples; intensives?

https://www.heartweaveforcouples.com



Bio:
Jonathan Robinson is a psychotherapist, best-selling author of 16 books, and a professional speaker from Northern California. He has reached over 200 million people around the world with his practical methods, and his work has been translated into 47 languages. Mr. Robinson has made numerous appearances on The Oprah Show and CNN, as well as other national TV talk shows.

Jonathan’s most recent book is called, “Ecstasy as Medicine: How MDMA Therapy Can Help You Overcome Trauma, Anxiety and Depression…and Feel More Love.” In the book, Jonathan shares the best methods, stories, and ideas he’s learned from leading over 700 MDMA journeys and teaching hundreds of therapists how to do his unique protocol over Zoom. His other books include the bestsellers, “Communication Miracles for Couples,” and “More Love, Less Conflict.”

Jonathan is the co-host of the podcast Awareness Explorers, and his websites are: XTCasMedicine.com and FindingHappiness.com

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.


More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com


The Course –

https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourse


The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com


Podcast Website –

https://www.bettersexpodcast.com



Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 392 [Soapbox] Afraid to find out it's hopeless]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-392-soapbox-afraid-to-find-outhttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-392-soapbox-afraid-to-find-outThu, 21 May 2026 12:19:54 GMTIn this soapbox episode of the Better Sex Podcast, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman describes a common barrier to seeking help for sexual issues: the fear that if you “open the box” and really look at your sex life, you might discover it’s hopeless—like Schrödinger’s cat being alive or dead. She acknowledges how much courage it takes to address intimacy struggles, but argues that avoidance carries major emotional costs, from growing distance to cringe moments when sex comes up, and years lost to an unfulfilling dynamic. Zimmerman says there is real hope when couples have a fundamentally good relationship, goodwill, and willingness to examine their own contributions and learn new ways of thinking about sex, and she encourages listeners to raise the issue, get support, and work on it sooner rather than later.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:45 Soapbox Topic Setup
01:04 Schrodingers Cat Explained
02:05 Fear of Seeking Help
03:10 When Sex Can Improve
04:58 Cost of Avoidance
05:54 Its Not Too Late
07:01 Courage to Act
07:26 Closing and Credits

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 391: Healing Sexual Dysfunction Through The Body]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-391-healing-sexual-dysfunctionhttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-391-healing-sexual-dysfunctionMon, 18 May 2026 09:59:23 GMTSex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews pelvic work practitioners Ashley Rose and Martin Beaudoin about how pelvic restrictions and misdiagnosed physical issues can contribute to low libido, anorgasmia, dyspareunia, vulvodynia, pudendal neuralgia, and relationship strain. They describe pelvic work as broader than Kegels, involving fascia, nerves, organ positioning, blood and lymph flow, breath, and somatic “interviews” through palpation that can surface emotions and trauma. Martin explains assessing the body first, collaborating with partners when relevant, and using pleasure points and orgasmic response to change physiology and support healing. Ashley outlines a client-led, consent-based “buffet” of tools (somatics, sexology, ethical touch, transpersonal approaches), emphasizing readiness and choice. They discuss trainings, intensives, collaboration with medical and therapeutic providers, and share where to find them online.

00:00 Show Intro
00:44 Meet The Guests
01:27 Why They Do This Work
03:39 Pelvic Issues And Sex
05:41 Beyond Kegels
08:55 Pleasure Anatomy Examples
11:34 Client Aha Moments
14:32 What Sessions Look Like
18:54 Martin Approach And Misdiagnosis
24:55 Pleasure As Medicine
26:21 Substack Midroll Break
27:00 How Fast Results Come
27:42 Who This Helps Most
29:45 Ethical Pleasure Space
32:42 Martin On Symptoms
36:32 Trainings And Intensives
37:54 Vision With Medicine
43:10 Where To Find Them
44:29 Podcast Closing Credits

Bios:
Ashley's somatic and therapeutic work is informed by Somatic Sex Education, Hakomi, IFS, The Beaudoin Method for Pelvic Care, Relational Life Therapy for couples and transpersonal psychology inspired by the text “A Course In Miracles”.

Ashley is passionate about people being free to understand and feel their authentic eroticism beyond all the layers life can impose upon individuals.

She works with all genders, in an anti-oppression framework, with support for a variety of sexual perspectives, backgrounds and degrees of experience

*****

Martin's interest in bodywork began at age 14. He was first attracted to energy work, Swedish massage, and Reflexology & quickly developed a passion for anatomy. After a 23 year career as a university professor (Linguistics and Speech Pathology), Martin retired and began working full time as a bodyworker.

Since then, Martin has trained in Craniosacral, Structural/Myofascial, Neurokinetic Therapy, Chi Nei Tsang, Karsai Nei Tsang, Thai Massage, Tantric Yoni Massage, Compassionate Inquiry & Visceral Manipulation. His work is a blend of these modalities and a gynaecological model he himself developed to respond to common and complex pelvic issues for women. He has developed various protocols and interventions through clinical research and now runs a school to teach others to do the same.

www.beaudoinbodywork.com

www.ashleyelisabethrose.ca

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.


More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com



The Course –

https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourse



The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com



Podcast Website –

https://www.bettersexpodcast.com



Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

]]><![CDATA[Ep. 390: [Soapbox] Easygoing; Hard to Live With]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-390-soapbox-easygoing-hard-tohttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/ep-390-soapbox-easygoing-hard-toThu, 14 May 2026 13:04:06 GMTSex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explains how being “easygoing” or people-pleasing—rarely stating preferences and letting a partner decide—can create a hidden burden in relationships. She describes clients who didn’t realize how constant small decisions (meals, plans, TV) led to their partner’s decision fatigue and reduced connection because the partner couldn’t encounter their wants, opinions, and priorities. Zimmerman shares a practical exercise: carrying an object (like Legos) as a reminder to voice “I want/I would like” five times a day, which helped one couple reduce overwhelm and increase mutual satisfaction. She also outlines common roots of easygoing behavior, including being praised for it, growing up around someone with bigger needs, or learning to disconnect from desires to avoid disappointment.

00:00 Show Intro
00:46 Soapbox Topic Setup
01:41 Lego Pocket Exercise
02:30 Decision Fatigue Relief
04:29 Why Easygoing Hurts
05:11 How It Develops
06:55 Try a New Habit
07:11 Outro and Credits

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.


More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com


The Course –

https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourse



The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com



Podcast Website –

https://www.bettersexpodcast.com



Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclas

s

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber

.

]]><![CDATA[389: Adventures in Polyamory]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/389-adventures-in-polyamoryhttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/389-adventures-in-polyamoryMon, 11 May 2026 13:54:07 GMTSex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Natalie Davis about how her marriage shifted from assumed monogamy to swinging and then polyamory after an affair about 15 years into her relationship. Davis describes early insecurity, rules for safety, and how communication and healing helped her and her husband rebuild trust. She explains kitchen-table polyamory, living in a “resident V” with her husband and his other partner (her metamour), and the mundane realities of sharing a household alongside dating others. They discuss jealousy, consent, STI awareness, the lack of legal protections for non-monogamists, and how polyamory can require “graduate level” communication. Davis shares that she wrote a memoir, Saying Yes: My Adventures in Polyamory, publishing January 13, 2026, and where to find her online.

Note: Natalie wanted to make sure to credit the person who coined the word "polyamory" in 1990: Morning Glory Ravenheart Zell

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:44 Meet Natalie Davis
01:56 From Monogamy to Poly
03:33 Swinging After Infidelity
06:23 Healing and Rebuilding Trust
11:16 Coming Out and Risks
14:11 Writing the Book
16:38 Kitchen Table Poly
19:09 Life in a Resident V
22:54 Jealousy and Communication
26:01 Dating Beyond the Household
28:16 Sex Life Pros and Cons
32:47 Skills for Doing It Well
35:21 Book Details and Where to Find
36:47 Final Thanks and Wrap Up

Jessa's quizzes are available:
The higher desire partner quiz: https://intimacywithease.com/hdp-higher-desire-partner-mistake-quiz/

The lower desire partner quiz: https://intimacywithease.com/ldp-lower-desire-partner-mistake-quiz-organic/

Bio

Natalie Davis is the author of the new poly memoir, "Saying Yes: My Adventures in Polyamory" (pub date Jan. 13, 2026).
She is the editor of the online publication Polyamory Today, and her work has appeared in Heart Affairs, Discovering Polyamory, Monogamish, and The Memoirist. Her opinions on polyamory have been published in The Washington Post.
She has presented workshops on communication and non-monogamy across the United States. A recovering lawyer, she lives in the Washington, DC, area, with her partner and marvelous metamour. You can find her on Instagram, Medium, and her website as nataliedavisadventures.

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.



More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz –

https://www.sexlifequiz.com



The Course –

https://www.intimacywithease.com



The Book –

https://www.sexwithoutstress.com



Podcast Website –

https://www.bettersexpodcast.com



Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber

.

]]><![CDATA[388: [Soapbox] Comfort and Growth Cycles in Long Term Relationships]]>https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/388-comfort-and-growth-cycles-inhttps://jessazimmerman.substack.com/p/388-comfort-and-growth-cycles-inThu, 07 May 2026 14:12:35 GMTIn this soapbox episode recorded on the road, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a concept from David Schnarch about the natural rhythm of long-term relationships: alternating comfort cycles and growth cycles. Growth cycles require effort, change, and transformation, and when partners do that work they earn a new “normal” they can relax into until the next growth phase arrives. Jessa explains that couples may be pushed into growth by external changes (such as shifts in sexual functioning or illness) or by complacency, routine, and unspoken dissatisfaction when someone avoids “rocking the boat” until it becomes urgent. She reframes these moments as normal opportunities to adapt, refocus, experiment, and reconnect, and reassures listeners that intense effort is usually temporary and leads back to renewed comfort.

00:00 Show Intro
00:45 On the Road Setup
01:09 Comfort and Growth Cycles
01:39 How Growth Creates Comfort
02:39 What Triggers Growth
02:46 Change and Health Events
03:15 Complacency and Avoidance
04:20 Reframing Crisis as Opportunity
04:50 Reassurance and Takeaways
05:08 Outro and Credit

s

Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

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